There are few things that truly equalize us. Birth and death seem to be the two things that eventually happen to everyone. While most of us have no idea when either of these equalizers are going to occur, we know its inevitable. Family members, co-workers, and people we have only known for a short time can and do die. But whenever we lose a friend we are taken aback and made to realize what a special place they held in our lives. After attending a memorial service for a friend of mine las week I began to think about the time we spent together and how now that he is gone, those moments are very valuable to me. My friend was a simple man with a super big heart! Every time he saw me his eyes would light up. Every walk we took, every conversation has made its way back to both my head and heart this week.
When I first met my friend he told me about his love of numbers. We talked for at least two hours and he had memorized certain formulas throughout his life. Time passed so quickly while we getting to know each other. The next time I saw my friend someone had given him a very nice, warm jacket from Longview Fibre. He beamed whenever I called his name and told him how glad I was to see him again. He seemed to be thriving and was currently living with friends and was also taking his medication. My friend never asked for much, just a conversation and a nice warm jacket. He told me the last time I saw him that he had everything he needed and was so happy just to shake my hand and talk. How what a compliment!
I felt warmed by my friend’s friendship. There were no expectation just remembering his name made him happy. Little did I know the last time I saw my friend, it would be the last time I would ever see him alive and vibrant. He was killed in an accident about two weeks after that. Even though our friendship was very short, he made a big impression on me and gave me the gift of an unconditional friendship. Perhaps the fact that he had no expectations, he just wanted my time of which I was happy to share with him. He was so appreciative of everything he had. At my friend’s memorial service I noticed someone wearing his nice warm jacket. My friend had given his jacket that had made him so happy to someone else whom he thought was much colder than him. What a guy!
I walked up to this lady who was wearing my friend’s jacket and shook her hand. She proceeded to tell me what a great guy my friend was and how he was always there for her. She was freezing one night and my friend took his nice warm jacket off and gave it to her. She was so touched! I reached out to give her a hug and I could feel my friend hugging both of us. My friend had many challenges but he never let those challenges stop him from being a great friend. I could feel myself look towards the door to see if he might somehow walk in and allow us to enjoy his warm conversation just one more time. While this didn’t happen, I looked over the room filled with his friends and loved ones who had come together to say their good byes and fellowship for a couple of hours.
My friend’s death had somehow been a strong equalizer for all of us. As we all stood around talking, eating and laughing while remembering our friend, we were all equal. We all shared an overpowering state of mourning. We could shed a few tears and laughter. It made no difference how long we had known my friend, what conversations we had with him or where we lived or how much money we made. We all wanted to remember a man who was a gift and made a difference in many lives. A man who would gladly give his jacket to someone else because they were cold. His last jacket created a seamless stream of love and friendship. We will hold him in our hearts forever and cherish those sweet memories he helped us make. Yes death like birth can be the great life equalizer.
In Memory of our Friend Phil.
